Not Quite OOM

[theresnodoor]

It's about space and time.

And how neither pass, when you spend your days in Milliways.

And nights.

And mornings.

And evenings.



Rachel copes. She doesn't live, she doesn't thrive. She just copes. Gymnastics and magazines and people who pass in and out of the door. The occasional trip to the Labyrinth - with company - and the effort she goes to in order to make sure no one notices just how often she walks into it herself.

Sleeping in a bed with a hawk perched nearby, pretending she can't feel the way he watches her.

Pretending she has nothing to hide from him, not anymore.



But today?

Today Rachel is swimming in the lake. It's a good day for it. Nice and sunny, even outside the Caribbean beach. The water is cool but it's easy to get used to. And Bar even gave her a nice one piece.

Comments

[alwaysroomforhope]

Steph grins at her. "Don't overthink it. Just throw it."

Steph's ... not big on long-range plans. Other than the ones tthat matter, like "get back to health, fight crime."

[theresnodoor]

She gets another glance, another smirk. Rachel snaps her wrist and lets the pebble go.

Where it sinks with a final-sounding plop!

And Rachel scowls at the water.

[alwaysroomforhope]

Steph shrugs. "You got good distance. It takes a while to get the rest of it. I mean, it's kind of cheating for me, with the Bat thing and all that."

[theresnodoor]

Rachel sighs - snorts, almost, for the forceful exhale through her nose. And the continued scowl.

She picks up another pebble while Steph talks, glaring at the water where her last rock had failed.

"The hero thing? They made you throw rocks?"

[alwaysroomforhope]

Steph nods, with a small smile, her eyes distant. "For, like, months. Had to be able to hit five out of five targets with one handful of batarangs before I was even allowed on the street.

"... not that I didn't go out anyway, but, you know. For the Big Bat's approval."

So grinny.

[theresnodoor]

Rachel laughs softly, rolling the pebble between her fingers.

Then throws it.

plop!

Sigh/snorting again, she reaches for another pebble. "Yeah, yeah. Placate Dad so you can go out and play without getting the lecture."

[alwaysroomforhope]

"Pick a flatter one," Steph suggests, offering a different pebble. "This one's better. And try to angle it just a little bit - like this."

Because she's trying, this time, this one skips until it's almost out of sight.

"I always got the lecture." A grin. "Always. It got to be comfortingly familiar after a while."

[theresnodoor]

"Yeah," Rachel agrees, eyes narrowed as she tries again with the new pebble, trying to see it skip across the water. That's easy enough - mental concentration hasn't been a problem in a long time.

She doesn't grin when it skips twice - but she does have a smug little smile.

"Sometimes it's nice to have something to ignore. And practice in just smiling and nodding is good for school."

[alwaysroomforhope]

"Ugh, school. I guess I'll have to go back to that, too." Steph gives a small, approving nod to Rachel's stone. "I mean in classrooms and stuff. I'm doing school by long-distance at the moment. It's ... really weird."

[theresnodoor]

"Sounds like it would be better," Rachel replies, picking through the stones between them to find another. Small, flat. She can do that.

"No teachers, no kids, no lunch period."

[alwaysroomforhope]

"Yeah, I like that part of it. And you can sleep in as late as you want, no classes. But then it's kind of left up to me to get the work done, and I'm not really the greatest when it comes to book learning any more. Although I guess I'm better than I was before I was --"

She hesitates, glancing at Rachel, warily.

"I mean, while I was dead I read a lot. I got used to it."

[theresnodoor]

Rachel smirks and keeps her gaze forward. The rock skips twice again, but a little further, a little more secure.

"Yeah, finding time isn't really hard."

She still doesn't read much. Magazines, sure. But fiction doesn't interest her much.

[alwaysroomforhope]

No freakouts this time. That's good. That's very good.

Steph picks up a handful more rocks, inspecting them for weight and smoothness before piling them where Rachel can reach them and discarding the unsuitable ones.

Eyes down: "I remember. I mean, it gets - strange, in my head sometimes. The two pasts I have. But ... I remember enough that I know what you mean. Finding time was so never the problem."

[theresnodoor]

Rachel pauses, fingertips pinching a small stone gently.

She does not want to talk about this. About Milliways and how to deal and the time.

She throws the rock with a singular plop! and says the first thing that comes to mind, "I don't think I'm getting enough distance.

Even though, on that throw, distance was all she got.

[alwaysroomforhope]

Steph's not always the best at picking up unspoken signals. But -- she's learning more than just how to move again, this year. Dealing with everything.

So she nods. "It takes more strength than you think. You can build it up."

[theresnodoor]

She tries again, gets it further. But it still doesn't skip.

The subject should be changed and she doesn't immediately know where to go with it. The smart thing would be to get up and leave now, while she's calm enough to do so.

Rachel runs her fingers over the little pile of rocks beside her, looking for the best one.

[alwaysroomforhope]

It's already changed.

Steph reaches for her belt, habitually, and finds nothing. "-- oh. I was going to show you a batarang, so you could see what the best weight and shape for these things is, but ... Wide and smooth and flat, anyway. And if you get it to hit the water at just a bit of an angle, it skips easier."

[theresnodoor]

"Life in Milliways is a total thrill, isn't it?" Rachel asks, smirking as she skips another one.

Skips it once. But it's better than just sinking.

[alwaysroomforhope]

Steph grins up at her, a flash of friendship.

"I loved it at first." Anything was better than being dead. "... at first."

By the end of her six years she felt like a ghost all the time.

[theresnodoor]

When you don't have anything nice to say...

Rachel skips a rock, listening to it splash after two.




"I hate every second of it."

[alwaysroomforhope]

Steph nods, flicking another rock out across the lake. It seems to go on forever - both lake and rock.

She loves Milliways. Loved it then, loves it now. She was so glad for another chance to live, she found family here, people who truly cared about her. She'd never had that before.

If you'd had something better, before ...

"What was it like? Before? For you?"

[theresnodoor]

Conversation is hard but not impossible. She goes along, saying what feels most appropriate, trying to fix it when she's wrong. Her mind can always offer one or two possible responses and she chooses from what's available.

Except for that question.

Just that one.

And there's no good response at all.



"I don't know. Different."

[alwaysroomforhope]

Steph flicks another stone.

"... I'm sorry. I'm not ... I mean, even when I'm not dazed, I kind of talk a lot. You don't have to actually answer or anything, I'm totally aware that I talk too much. I mean, I've had enough therapy to have been told it in so many words."

Chattering as a defense mechanism.

Which works really well except when you run into someone like Rachel, who doesn't just let it wash over her, who listens to Steph's words and hears what she's not saying, too.

[theresnodoor]

There's one word that makes Rachel look at her, stunned.

Therapy. A girl in a war goes to regular therapy.


"I'm, um...





"I don't talk about it."

[alwaysroomforhope]

Steph glances up at her, sideways.

Dry, a little amused: "I'd never have guessed."




She's not a girl in a war any more. She's a girl who's been sidelined for months. She's a refugee now. It's different.