OOM

[theresnodoor]

After This:



Milliways is there for those who need it.

So they say.




I was dead.
I was dead.

I was dead.

And now I'm - well, not.




The door swings behind her and the grass beneath her feet is cool and soft. The sun is going down behind the mountains and the sky is streaked with color. All is green and cool and beautiful.

Last summer, it was boiling hot and every spare day was spent indoors or at the beach - not of a lake, but the Pacific Ocean, and they had to take a bus to get there unless their parents dropped them off and... and if she were there right now, there would be no buses and the beaches probably survived but not without their own scars and if she survived if she survived if she survived if she if and if.



Walk. Steps. One in front of the other.

If she had survived, what would she have said?

Trees up ahead, turn, the way is clear.

How would she have justified?

Move, just move.

Was. Was dead.

Run.



Jog, really. Just move. Until all of her energy is taken up with breathing and moving and staying upright.

Or just the last two.

Was. Was dead.

Comments

[alwaysroomforhope]

"Well, our separate - things." Steph rubs a hand through her hair, a little awkardly. "You will. I'm not gonna tell you it gets easier, though, because it never did."

Sixten years old. Sixteen years old forever, watching her friends age and grow, hearing about her world falling apart, putting itself back together, moving on without her. Never needing to cut her fingernails or trim her hair. Seeing babies born and grow up, their parents develop grey hairs and frowns, knowing she'd never have that. Listening to that soft, whispering call from behind the Door, from Beyond.

"Short of a miracle, it pretty much keeps sucking. But you get better at dealing with it."

[theresnodoor]

She may as well have said all those things out loud.

It does not get easier, it never will. It keeps sucking but you get better at dealing with it.

Such familiar words for such completely different situations.

I was dead.
Was dead.

Tobias upstairs, living breathing with a door he can see. Yrael, immortal but alive with a door. X and James and Jo and Ako, Milliways is so great and fantastic and they all. Have. Doors.

It keeps sucking. It never gets easier. This is her afterlife, not a party, not a reststop, and the worlds will turn and the clocks will tick but only outside the door she can't see.

And this girl, this stupid girl with her small, warm, alive hands running through her hair was dead, isn't now, and says we like anything she is can be related to anything in Rachel.



"Get away from me."

[alwaysroomforhope]

Steph looks hurt. Then she looks angry. But - damn it, punching isn't going to solve anything. Or help either of them. Besides, her best punching arm is still recovering from that bullet through her shoulder.

"Okay," she says, meaning to be friendly but with a bite to her tone in spite of her best intentions. Trying to be nice doesn't mean she has to be a complete pushover, after all.

She turns and heads back up the hill.

[theresnodoor]

The bite of a rainbow-headed girl with good intentions and a pulse isn't going to phase Rachel at this point.

She watches her go and doesn't move until Steph is gone from her sight. Makes sure she's gone and won't come back, not now.

Without looking away from the door, she takes stock of the time and weather - Tobias might be inside right now. He's certainly not right above her head. And there's no one inside the bar she wants to see right now.


Jogging, sparring, training, nothing is going to cut it now but the old fallbacks.

It's getting dark. No one's going to notice an extra dolphin in the lake.