Rachel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
theresnodoor) wrote2011-02-24 10:05 am
theresnodoor) wrote2011-02-24 10:05 am
Post-Valentine's OOM
They don't talk unless absolutely necessary.
The day after Valentine's Day is the first time Rachel has been thankful for that.
It didn't take long to put it together. Bobby got hit by something and started acting insane. Jason stumbled before he started staring at her. Something stung her before she started to-
So she woke up. Opened the bedroom and balcony doors for Tobias and watched him fly off to hunt. Business as usual.
Forget the daily jog. Forget morning gymnastics.
She's not setting foot in the bar. Not for a while.
She's on the couch when Tobias comes back, flipping through one of the magazines they're starting to collect. Tobias will take whatever she brings him, to the point where Rachel wonders if he really looks at any of them. But he doesn't argue when she brings them, doesn't ask for anything else, and sitting on the couch with something to read and a hawk perched behind her shoulder is starting to feel kind of nice, comfortable.
Something has to.
Anything has to.
The beat of his wings is all the sign she needs to know he's there. Rachel doesn't look up right away, doesn't want to. If she's reading, it's okay to take a moment and finish the sentence, the paragraph before looking up. If she's staring blankly at the pages, trying desperately not to think, he'll want to know why.
He won't ask, of course. But there will be a silence and she'll know what it means. And it'll be her responsibility to answer or ignore it.
Which makes it her fault later.
He's not the only one who doesn't talk, sometimes.
Tobias waits on the balcony while she morphs. She sits on one of the bar stools to do it, since it's easier to get off the ground that way. Her six-foot wingspan fits fine in the large open space of her apartment, which is great since there's a lot of flapping to do before she's out in the air with him.
And between the roar of the wind, the weightlessness, the company, she's fine.
And when they go over the lake, she lets the eagle take over.
Tobias knows, of course. Can tell when she's not in control.
But it's better than the alternative - and he won't ask.
She doesn't tell Tobias about Jason for the same reason she once told him about TT. Back then, she hadn't really meant to throw it in his face. She'd been tempted to go on a date with a cute boy who didn't know anything about war or violence, who wanted to take her out and spend time with her in public.
...okay, and probably in private, too. But that hadn't been the tempting part.
She'd been confused. Conflicted. Guilty. And she'd told him about TT because if anyone could make her feel better, understand herself and what she needed, it was Tobias. She'd blurted out what was bothering her without thinking about how it would affect and hurt him.
So maybe she's older now. Wiser.
Rachel doesn't tell Tobias about Jason because her peace of mind isn't worth his pain.
She told Helena Tobias was her boyfriend. She doesn't get a chance to say that often, to explain Tobias at all. Girls at school had boyfriends. Her mom had thought about dating, having a boyfriend. TT could have been her boyfriend.
Tobias has risked his life for her over and over again. He adapted to an entirely new species and lifestyle. He liberated an alien race. He discovered more about his past than most people could stay sane through.
Maybe they don't talk much because joining her crazy schemes, inviting her on his, helping her volunteer for insane missions, volunteering so she won't be alone, supporting her, telling her when she's wrong, reminding her what she is when he's never certain what he is, but listening when she tries to tell him...
What words could ever mean as much as those actions?
It doesn't matter if Jason died.
It doesn't matter if Jason hung around the good guys.
It doesn't matter if Jason did the dirty work they wouldn't.
All he gave her were words.
...possibly diseased holiday words.
Tobias goes out again in the late afternoon, early evening to hunt again. Rachel stays behind with the television on, watching nothing, staring at about the same.
At the end of the day, Jason is just TT. Offering her things she might want if she gives away what makes sense. The feelings weren't real, the temptation was forced. The whole experience could be written off as a fluke, a cruel joke of the bar's that, thankfully, hadn't ended any worse than it did. If Jason had actually held out his hand to her as they walked...
Wings flutter behind her and Rachel tilts her head toward him without turning around.
The TV clicks as the screen goes black, humming quietly with fading energy. Slick pages of a magazine flap and then settle. The couch creaks slightly when the girl sitting on it adjusts to a more comfortable position.
Another flutter of wings, weight settled behind her shoulder. A gaze that sharp can be felt when it's that close.
Rachel leans her head back and feels the softness of feathers against her hair.
At the end of the day, she's the one who left him. And Tobias came after her.
Like always.
The day after Valentine's Day is the first time Rachel has been thankful for that.
It didn't take long to put it together. Bobby got hit by something and started acting insane. Jason stumbled before he started staring at her. Something stung her before she started to-
So she woke up. Opened the bedroom and balcony doors for Tobias and watched him fly off to hunt. Business as usual.
Forget the daily jog. Forget morning gymnastics.
She's not setting foot in the bar. Not for a while.
She's on the couch when Tobias comes back, flipping through one of the magazines they're starting to collect. Tobias will take whatever she brings him, to the point where Rachel wonders if he really looks at any of them. But he doesn't argue when she brings them, doesn't ask for anything else, and sitting on the couch with something to read and a hawk perched behind her shoulder is starting to feel kind of nice, comfortable.
Something has to.
Anything has to.
The beat of his wings is all the sign she needs to know he's there. Rachel doesn't look up right away, doesn't want to. If she's reading, it's okay to take a moment and finish the sentence, the paragraph before looking up. If she's staring blankly at the pages, trying desperately not to think, he'll want to know why.
He won't ask, of course. But there will be a silence and she'll know what it means. And it'll be her responsibility to answer or ignore it.
Which makes it her fault later.
He's not the only one who doesn't talk, sometimes.
Tobias waits on the balcony while she morphs. She sits on one of the bar stools to do it, since it's easier to get off the ground that way. Her six-foot wingspan fits fine in the large open space of her apartment, which is great since there's a lot of flapping to do before she's out in the air with him.
And between the roar of the wind, the weightlessness, the company, she's fine.
And when they go over the lake, she lets the eagle take over.
Tobias knows, of course. Can tell when she's not in control.
But it's better than the alternative - and he won't ask.
She doesn't tell Tobias about Jason for the same reason she once told him about TT. Back then, she hadn't really meant to throw it in his face. She'd been tempted to go on a date with a cute boy who didn't know anything about war or violence, who wanted to take her out and spend time with her in public.
...okay, and probably in private, too. But that hadn't been the tempting part.
She'd been confused. Conflicted. Guilty. And she'd told him about TT because if anyone could make her feel better, understand herself and what she needed, it was Tobias. She'd blurted out what was bothering her without thinking about how it would affect and hurt him.
So maybe she's older now. Wiser.
Rachel doesn't tell Tobias about Jason because her peace of mind isn't worth his pain.
She told Helena Tobias was her boyfriend. She doesn't get a chance to say that often, to explain Tobias at all. Girls at school had boyfriends. Her mom had thought about dating, having a boyfriend. TT could have been her boyfriend.
Tobias has risked his life for her over and over again. He adapted to an entirely new species and lifestyle. He liberated an alien race. He discovered more about his past than most people could stay sane through.
Maybe they don't talk much because joining her crazy schemes, inviting her on his, helping her volunteer for insane missions, volunteering so she won't be alone, supporting her, telling her when she's wrong, reminding her what she is when he's never certain what he is, but listening when she tries to tell him...
What words could ever mean as much as those actions?
It doesn't matter if Jason died.
It doesn't matter if Jason hung around the good guys.
It doesn't matter if Jason did the dirty work they wouldn't.
All he gave her were words.
...possibly diseased holiday words.
Tobias goes out again in the late afternoon, early evening to hunt again. Rachel stays behind with the television on, watching nothing, staring at about the same.
At the end of the day, Jason is just TT. Offering her things she might want if she gives away what makes sense. The feelings weren't real, the temptation was forced. The whole experience could be written off as a fluke, a cruel joke of the bar's that, thankfully, hadn't ended any worse than it did. If Jason had actually held out his hand to her as they walked...
Wings flutter behind her and Rachel tilts her head toward him without turning around.
The TV clicks as the screen goes black, humming quietly with fading energy. Slick pages of a magazine flap and then settle. The couch creaks slightly when the girl sitting on it adjusts to a more comfortable position.
Another flutter of wings, weight settled behind her shoulder. A gaze that sharp can be felt when it's that close.
Rachel leans her head back and feels the softness of feathers against her hair.
At the end of the day, she's the one who left him. And Tobias came after her.
Like always.